ME: KHBT Radio - this is KC, how may I help you?
CALLER: May I speak with Kathleen Courtney please
ME: Oh, this is Kathleen Courtney
CALLER: Oh, I thought you said your name was KC
ME: I did - that is my radio persona
CALLER: Oh.......(pause)....OK(?)...., well I am calling to discuss your submission to our Christian Writing Forum
ME: I see - and with whom am I speaking?
CALLER: This is Pastor Mike and I lead the Forum
ME: fuck.....(thought it - didn't say it).
CALLER: Kathleen, after reading your submission and looking at your blog on line, we have decided that our little group may not be the ideal venue for you
ME: So, you're kicking me out?!
CALLER: Well no, you aren't actually a member - I am just suggesting that your "style of writing" may be more appropriate for a different group.
ME: Could you be more specific Pastor - what part of my submission do you have issues with?
CALLER: Well, for one, your tendency to use the "F bomb"
ME: I could probably clean that up a bit and use the Christian version of the "F bomb"
CALLER: There is no Christian version of the "F bomb"
ME: Oh.......wait, what about "frig"?
CALLER: Um......Our group is really for creative writing about Our Lord Jesus Christ and how his presence in our lives affects us. I didn't really see any reference to God or church in your writings.
ME: Well, that is because God isn't really funny. I might be able to throw a couple of Jesus Christ's in there to replace my "F bombs". Oh, and I could probably put some funny stuff together about parochial school and mean nuns; or wait, maybe something like the Church Lady from SNL - I could totally do something like that..
CALLER: Uh, no, that won't be necessary - but thank you for your submission. We will pray for you Kathleen. Click........
OH, IT'S ON PASTOR MIKE!!!!!