Monday, June 15, 2009

I bet God is Hilarious

Last week, my co-worker/arch nemesis Tanya suggests that I join a writing group in the area that she heard about through a friend of a friend. She told me to submit a sample (which I did), so the leader of this group could get a feel for my writing style and content. Turns out, Tanya (our on-air "personality") doesn't have friends under the age of 70, and wasn't aware that this was a "Christian" based writing forum, and now I'm going to have to kick her ass, and by kick her ass I mean verbally assault her 'cause she is way bigger than me and it would probably be a blood bath. So, at this point, it is clear to me that the "prose" that I submitted for this writing group's perusal will not be well all. At this point in the story, anyone reading this should be able to ascertain, with a large degree of accuracy, how this is going to turn out..........and the telephone rings:

ME: KHBT Radio - this is KC, how may I help you?
CALLER: May I speak with Kathleen Courtney please
ME: Oh, this is Kathleen Courtney
CALLER: Oh, I thought you said your name was KC
ME: I did - that is my radio persona
CALLER: Oh.......(pause)....OK(?)...., well I am calling to discuss your submission to our Christian Writing Forum
ME: I see - and with whom am I speaking?
CALLER: This is Pastor Mike and I lead the Forum
ME: fuck.....(thought it - didn't say it).
CALLER: Kathleen, after reading your submission and looking at your blog on line, we have decided that our little group may not be the ideal venue for you
ME: So, you're kicking me out?!
CALLER: Well no, you aren't actually a member - I am just suggesting that your "style of writing" may be more appropriate for a different group.
ME: Could you be more specific Pastor - what part of my submission do you have issues with?
CALLER: Well, for one, your tendency to use the "F bomb"
ME: I could probably clean that up a bit and use the Christian version of the "F bomb"
CALLER: There is no Christian version of the "F bomb"
ME: Oh.......wait, what about "frig"?
CALLER: Um......Our group is really for creative writing about Our Lord Jesus Christ and how his presence in our lives affects us. I didn't really see any reference to God or church in your writings.
ME: Well, that is because God isn't really funny. I might be able to throw a couple of Jesus Christ's in there to replace my "F bombs". Oh, and I could probably put some funny stuff together about parochial school and mean nuns; or wait, maybe something like the Church Lady from SNL - I could totally do something like that..

CALLER: Uh, no, that won't be necessary - but thank you for your submission. We will pray for you Kathleen. Click........



  1. You are too funny. HOw's Mom this week? She looked good when I saw her on Sunday during my Humboldt visit?

  2. Hey Brett - thank you, and Mom seems to be on the mend. Just shows you how scrappy she is - 2 weeks ago I didn't believe that she would be coming home again, so any improvement is huge for us. Thanks again for the visit. It was great seeing you.

  3. You've got to read this chic

    That "Jesus is coming" thing is hilarious!

  4. I think that what happened to you is a fucking miracle. Now run away verrrrrrrrrry fast.