Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Snap, Cackle, Poop

Do you know those people (martyrs) that insist that caring for an aging parent is a rewarding and mutually pleasant experience - you know, the ones that write columns or blogs and expound ad nauseum on the benefits and joys of caring for parents in the home and offer numerous suggestions on how to involve them in daily routines so that they can maintain their independence and dignity? THEY ARE ALL FREAKING LIARS! I believe they are motivated by mental illness and a perverse need to see the rest of us suffering in the same hell that they are. Strictly my opinion of course - no facts to back that up. So how is it going caring for your Mother you ask? Just friggin peachy! So here is a representation of our first night at home after Mary's release from the hospital......

this is Mary.........

This turtle may seem harmless and somewhat innocuous, but do not be fooled....check out these fun facts and note the uncanny similarities:

snapping turtle: ....Snapping turtles prefer quiet, muddy water (beer). They spend most of their time submerged (in smoke), surfacing periodically to breathe (to go to the refrigerator for more beer). Snapping turtles are bold and aggressive fighters and their massive, sharp-edged jaws cause them to be the terror of most of the aquatic and semi-aquatic creatures. The snapping turtle's appearance includes a carapace in dull olive or dark brown, with little or no markings, and a dull yellow plastron (slightly jaundiced from beer and smoke). Sinister in appearance and equally vicious as its looks imply, the snapping turtles defend themselves in a manner similar to snakes by "striking" at the object of anger. Backed up by a pair of sharp-edged, cutting mandibles and jaw muscles of tremendous power, the strike of these dangerous brutes may be followed by a serious injury. They can be vicious and though there aren't a lot of good reasons to do this, the safest way to handle a large snapper is to pick it up by the tail and hold it far away from one's body.

This is me........


  1. ok how do you respond to that - soooooooo funny. Hey a Litchfield native just got discovered as an author by her blog so there is still hope for fame and fortune. We just need to find out who would care!
    Love ya,
    The Good Twin

  2. Please interpret the following statement: "We just need to find out who would care!"
    I believe my long list (okay, 2) of avid followers (okay, family members) care deeply (okay, are somewhat ambivalent). So there! HA!